


A Study in Crimson and Green

by shadow_in_the_shade



Series: Colors of Asgard [2]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Adolescent Sexuality, Innocence, M/M, porn with minor plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-11
Updated: 2014-02-04
Packaged: 2018-01-04 09:22:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1079278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadow_in_the_shade/pseuds/shadow_in_the_shade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to "A Study in Silver and Gold". Thor and Loki are still young and not afraid to say "I love you"....well, not very anyway. Porn and feels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**1.**

"Do we have to do this now?"

"You say that every time!"

"Yes? Well maybe you should take the damn hint."

"For god's sake – Loki? Where are you going?"

"Out. Damn you. Out."

"Loki!"

I was not only tired of the argument I was tired of the number of times we had started to have it. Started and resolutely ended before it could run its way to a doubtlessly depressing conclusion. Yes, I'd had enough, once again storming out of your bed, shivering myself back into the illusion of being dressed and walking out the nearest door. I was too angry (too scared) to really look where I was going and to see that it only led onto a stone balcony overlooking a dismally beautiful landscape of arches, towers, pale golden courtyards darkening into shadow in the evening. The stone wall was cool beneath my hands as I leant to look down, hunching up and sighing at the same time. This backdrop of purple, blue and silver stars made it hard to behave in anything less than an over-dramatic fashion. Not that I was ever one to deny the theatrical flair anyway. I breathed out a more shuddering breath than I knew I still contained, running a hand through my hair to hold – as it felt – my head in place. I heard the door and did not turn around; just looked down at your hand near mine on the stone.

"In case you missed it," I sighed, "That was me storming out. It doesn't work so well if you follow me."

"This is not the most effective –"

"I  _know!"_

"I just mean – there's nowhere to go from here – you might have stormed off better if –"

"Shut up Thor!" I groaned wearily. "I will not add a row about how and where to strop off correctly to our already wide and varied range!" There was a moment of silence where I watched your fingers on the wall think about reaching out to mine and think better of it –

"You know –" you tried to say it gently. It did not help – "We have to talk about this some time."

" _Do we?"_ I turned around then, I must have been mirroring your stance – "Do we?  _Really?_ Did you not just say everything you needed to – "There is nowhere to go from here?""

You looked utterly confused at me.

"Loki don't be an idiot, I was talking about the balcony."

" _Were_ you? Because it seems to me –"

"It seems to you wrongly then!" you snapped, then frowned. "Is  _that_ why you won't –" The look on your face, dear gods you really had only just figured it out – "Loki – is  _that_ what you're so scared of? That I don't want –"

"I am  _not_ scared –" I sneered; you ignored it completely for the lie that it was;

"If you would just  _listen_ for one minute rather than just screech denial and lies at me you would know that I do not ask where this is going because I think the answer is nowhere but because I want to make it otherwise – work out a practical solution." You tried to glare me down – possibly just struggling with the effort of using two long words in succession. It did not work. It never worked. I glared at you back – and I did it much better – all but rolling my eyes –

"There  _is_ no practical solution  _brother –_ short of me faking my own death and re- appearing as your female consort – and I already –"

"That is  _not_ practical!"

"Neither is arguing about – essentially – a need for more permanent secrecy from a balcony in the public view."

"You came out here. Come back inside."

"No!"

"You are infuriating! Why must you always be so negative?"

"Why must  _you_ always be so nauseatingly optimistic?"

"Nause -?"

"It means you make me sick." I kicked the wall with my heel for emphasis.

"You are childish! – Pessimistic and aggravating! Gah! – you make me so –"

"Well given this awareness brother – none of which I will deny – I wonder that you bother to concern yourself with the long term at all."

"Well but – I love you," you frowned as though it were the simplest thing in the worlds. I shook my head in disbelief at your simplicity and you took my face in your hand to stop me. Your fingers found mine across the cold stone and our fingers fell into interlocking place. I sighed.

"I'm not going to stop loving you" you went on intently – "And I'm not going to stop wanting you however much you try to tell me otherwise. Besides the day I do what you say-"

"- is the day you can burn my boat as I sail into the stars – I know." I shook my head, but it felt like a weak denial, your thumb brushing my face when I tried to move, soothing me against my petulant will. Your lips were warm upon mine almost before I could put up a shield so that no-one would see. I did not want to melt. But I did. You were warm, rough and tender all at once, my home, heart and comfort blanket and you smiled at me as you broke off as though that was everything solved – though we had agreed on nothing, as usual.

"Now please –" you said, with the casual loving arrogance of one too charming ever to be denied. "-Take off that illusion and come back inside?" I raised both eyebrows and smirked –

"Really? In that order? Are you sure?" You looked at me with an infinite patience I knew you did not really possess. I tried that patience, of course –

"Because you know –" I whispered – "Underneath this illusion I'm –"

"Loki!" You growled and I laughed, leading the way back inside and shedding the illusion as you shed the robe you had thrown around yourself to come outside – "Can you  _never_ behave as you should?"

"Yes of course-" I struggled my words out, dodging the rain of your kisses that drenched my face and hair as your hand reclaimed me, roaming my skin, hungry and demanding as ever – "Because you're setting the standards –" I groaned as you yanked me closer – "For exemplary behaviour right now –"

"Just taking care of my little brother –" you growled, thrusting your cock against mine to punctuate your words before sweeping me up into your arms like a damn bride. I slapped at your shoulders –

"Hey! Put me down you great oaf!"

You grinned, shrugged and threw me unceremoniously across your already dishevelled bed sheets –

"I was going to." You moved fast, pinning my wrists over my head before I could wriggle far as you knew I would, holding me still to kiss my neck and shoulders, hot urgent kisses that threatened to swallow me up. I controlled my delirious trembling long enough to at least speak –

"You are so much more twisted than me – did anyone ever tell you that?"

"Yes –"  _kiss –_ "You –"  _kiss –_ "Frequently." Carefully you moved so as to hold my wrists in one large firm hand, dragging your fingers across my ribs and down to grasp my straining cock. I bit hard into your neck to stop from groaning too loud and – after all – to devour you as well. I smiled into your skin to hear you shout and thrust against me all at once.

"Whatever would people say –" I whispered in your ear, my breath making you shudder, vibrating your body against mine – "If they knew.  _Imagine_ what they'd think of you, the shining prince of Asgard bedding his own –"

You clamped your hand over my mouth hard, its sudden removal from my cock punishment enough –

"Dear gods, shut up Loki! Don't make me gag you again!" I grinned and licked your hand. You took it away and scowled in exaggerated disgust.

"-  _brother,"_ I finished. "Don't pretend you don't want to hear it – that you don't  _love_ it –"

You growled, but you pressed your cock hard against mine again as you did, rutting against me, hard and needy, holding my hip so hard you'd leave bruises by the morning.

"Shut. Up. Loki," you growled again through gritted teeth.

"But it was  _you –_ " I affected a casualness I did not feel and could only achieve by hissing my words into your ear, "- said you would always want me – and you  _do_ don't you brother? Want me. Use me. Carve yourself into my heart and spill your seed across my skin and hope I never tell how twisted you are –" I broke off with a curse, digging my nails into your shoulders as you wrapped a strong hand around my cock and yours together, squeezing every last drop out of me as you too came, hot against my skin –

" – just as you were told ." I snarled softly, smugly, but my lip curled as much for pleasure as to sneer –

"Good boy." I swear just those two words seemed to draw your orgasm out a little longer until you fell face down, thoughtfully beside me, shaking.

You stayed like that until I began to work. I poked you;

"Brother?" I shook you gently – "Are you alright there?" I pushed the mess of your hair back so as to actually see your face, which when you turned to me was streaked with tears. I frowned.

"Dear gods what is it – or did you just come too hard to cope?"

You half smiled, half nodded –

"That –" you said hoarsely. "And – love you too much –" I did not mean to, but I snorted.

"Yes!" you insisted. "You have no idea – none – how perfect you are to me –"

"You'll regret this later –"

"Loki! Please!" you formed sounds with your mouth that did not come out – "Perfect" you sighed, eventually, intently, all that you could apparently manage. "I wish you knew – I just-" You broke off and sighed.

So strange then, to be the one holding you, to feel that strength tremble, to assure you it was fine, that I knew.

"Liar" you murmured and I was not offended – "You – you will be the death of me."

"And you of me," I returned, sure of it and glad to have a return I could make easier than  _I love you –_ "- and I have no problems with that."

You lay still against me so long I almost assumed you had fallen asleep. Even so I tested it – since after all you were not snoring –

"Thor?" I whispered.

"Loki?"

"You really think – you really believe in happy endings?" I could not have even asked you if it had not been dark and I could not see your face.

"Yes" you said simply – "I do."

"You're a fool," I said sleepily, but I relaxed in your arms and you in mine and we held on less desperately but curled forehead to forehead like we had always slept.

"Yes" you agreed – "But I'm  _your_ fool." You yawned, on the verge of sleep.

I smiled in the dark. I must have been so young then. I remember I was happy.

_x_

**It went first person Loki again! Why I do this?! I blame Loki. This one may stay this way too. I didn't get a chance to make it clear here but this is not long after the events of "Study in silver and gold" and our boys still have not actually had sex yet….YET. Watch. This. Space! O_o**


	2. Chapter 2

**Once again this chapter is completely different from what I intended. Once again Loki did a thing and took over the narrative!**

**2.**

It was a curious time, those weeks and months following that first sweet shimmering day by the river. A strange in between time, belonging to no-one but maybe you and I. Perhaps that strangeness, that in between-ness is the reason I remember it so fondly. We were both neither one thing nor another then, and it was perhaps the only time when that was true. You at least grew into something substantial, knowing its place and purpose, _belonging_ as I never did- but at least in those days it was a sense that we could share. Not truly together and still rarely apart. Not quite adults but fast putting childhood behind us.

Everything that should have felt the strangest did not, everything as to which we should perhaps have felt some sense of wrong we did not. Were we foolish, wicked or just innocent? Or must innocence necessarily contain at least some part of both other states of being? Contrary to popular belief, its loss does not always come from mere carnal experience; it can come so much later or earlier depending upon the nature of experience itself.

An illustration of this transience is perhaps best provided thus. In that more often than not it was now you who came to my bed. Oh we _tried_ to stay apart – naively and with little genuine hope of success. I would lie awake waiting for you to come, to bring me your need, your lust, your love – ready to accept, to take, to give, to present the appearance of mere reciprocation as though I was not restless, writhing beneath at least as intense versions of these feelings myself. Lying awake in the dark practising tricks to brighten the room and frighten the shadows. Sending swirls of dazzling green light from my fingertips and imagining the day I could put this to the employ of real power. It was an idle enough imagining, for when you came to me I found I had all the power I could possibly need.

And come you inevitably did, maybe two nights in every three. I would know when you were outside and open my door to you with the flick of a trick. You never knew and I never told you but you imagined I just always kept it open. I was not that trusting. I would turn quickly onto my side as though I were indifferent and had not been lying in wait for you. You would call out my name quietly into the velvety dark, as though I might possibly be asleep –

“Loki?”

“Mmm?” I would peer at you through half closed eyes and flick on a candle. The small wavering light would show up for me the warmth you brought into the room. I would watch your shadow throb across the floor and ache over the ceiling. Lying down I cast no shadow and took comfort then in living within yours.

You knelt down beside my bed like a mortal child about to say its prayers. You covered my hand on the pillow with yours, and followed a path up my arm with your fingers that made me go silent and very still with the effort not to tremble, hearing the rush of my own heartbeat in my ears like a river. You would cup my shoulder in my hand and stroke my hair and neck as though I were a baby bird that you were barely permitted to touch. The perfect opposite to me, _you_ could not fail to speak every little thing that crossed your heart.

“Beautiful-” you said, as though it struck you and surprised you anew every time. “-My brother – so beautiful –” There was such wonder in your voice I could not doubt but that you did think so. I opened up the covers to let you in, and turned over to give you my back at the same time – well, I always did like to be a contradiction. You slipped in behind me quickly and wriggled up against me, finding the place where we fit so perfectly together. I was afraid, I admit this now, to speak sentiment to you and so it was an effort that tightened my heart in terror you will never understand to whisper –

“I am, you know.”

“What?” You barely broke off your kisses to my neck, head, and the arm you could reach to speak – “Beautiful? I know this.”

“No –” I whispered, eyes prickling – “Yours.”

I felt you smile against me. You did not know what it cost me, how I could feel myself chip off a small piece of my heart and give it to you every time, fearing I would end up hollowed out and empty from it. You were just happy to hear me say these things that I meant so deeply.

“Yes.” You held me closer. “Always.”

Do you remember all the things you said? All the promises you made me then? They said I was the liar but I never came up with anything half so cruel. That you loved me, would always love me; that you in turn were mine, now and forever. You would always be with me, stand by, protect me, never let me go. How I later translated every word into a lie even though there was not a one you did not mean, I am sure now at the time. And perhaps after all I translated inaccurately.

I wanted it all to be true too much to be able to bear it. Just _in case_ it was not. Your words confused me and I turned in your arms to stop them with a kiss. Your skin was like flame in the weak candle light and I, always cold, was warmed by the touch. You moved against me, stroking my hip and I could feel your hardness on my leg, your lust insatiable and unrepentant. Well I did not want it any other way. Strange to think we burned so hard and so urgently and all we ever did in those early days was touch. I had only to take you in my hand to swiftly draw your seed out onto my skin and I held out no better in your hands in return.

“Gods Loki,” you growled. “I love you.”

“So you often say”

“Evidently –”

“No I mean –” I frustrated you, I know – “I have always loved you,” you said – “But I _love_ you – you know what I mean.”

“Yes, thank you for the genius statement brother.”

I burrowed down so far into the sheets that by the time you had dived down to join me we had formed one of our little caves.

“Loki?” you asked, a little concerned. “Brother, look at me.”

“I am, you moron – it’s too dark to see.”

“I can’t tell if you are or not!”

“Oh, for fates’ sake!”

I painted a panoply of dazzling green stars around us in our little world and sat up cross legged in our cave, you mirroring me as we had done since we could sit.

“Well now _this_ is familiar” I smiled – “Do you want me to make smoke animals as well?”

“Are we not a little too old for this?”

“Well let me see, it smells like your seed in here so I’d say probably yes –”

“It is your seed too –”

“Semantics. Fine – bird or beast?”

“Your birds are beautiful.”

So I hatched a series of shimmering smoke birds in misty green and emerald and, like a small boy still, you tried to catch them as they flew up and then apart. Your eyes were as big with delight as ever and I finally let you catch a glittering leaf green magpie and I retained the illusion whole within your cupped hands like a jewel. You looked from me to the bird, smiling –

“It reminds me of you.”

I suddenly wished it was not the magpie;

“You’ll need two of me then,” I smiled wryly – “I’m working on that.”

I turned the bird briefly into a little green heart before winking it out of existence. You frowned at me questioningly. _Because you have mine._ I wrote the words on the air with a finger, never quite able to say such a thing out loud. You beamed and clasped me round the neck and I am sure that somewhere in time and space is a you and a me sat like that clasped forehead to forehead in that little green cave.

At some point we found ourselves lying down that way, and you said with a smile –

“You can still come to me, you know.”

“Why would I do that?”

“You always used to – scared of the dark –”

“I am _not_ scared of –”

“You don’t have to always lie here, waiting for me to crack first.”

“I beg your pardon, I do _not –”_

You laughed at me.

“Aww shut up brother, I know you better than you think.”

“I hate you, Thor.” It was lame, and somehow conceded that you were right. You grinned –

“I love you too Loki.”

I knew then what I forgot later, that every time I chipped off those little pieces of my heart for you, you replaced them with a little of your own – and so I could never truly be empty.

__x__

**So the _next_ chapter will be the one I meant to write here!!**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

3.

There is always a special summer that dwells forever in an untarnished corner of the heart. For me it was then, the summer of silver and gold. As the year moved on, passing into autumn, I mourned the summers loss like an old friend slipping from the circle of my life without my ever meaning them to.

But leaves fall, as leaves must, and the scent of Asgard was apple-ripe and russet warm. Everywhere we kicked through deep red drifts, and trailed leaves through hallways and into every surprising corner. Ventures outside brought us home windswept, fresh and cold, faces stinging and leaves in the hair, promises of winter fire bore on the back of summer's fallen riches.

You loved this time of year, and only that kept me from too much melancholy in the face of the approaching cold. I hated and feared the cold and always had – was it the part of me that remembered nearly being taken by it? The cold freeze of a Jotunheim night creeping in to steal a child's heart? Is there room for such a thing in memory? Either way I did not know then; but you knew my dislike and did all you could to keep me warm. You would glance at me as we rode out, in a way to make my cheeks burn for knowing your thoughts. You would rub against me surreptitiously in public until I longed for the chance to be alone with you, longing keeping my mind far enough away from the scent of coming snow in the air.

A mighty fire burned in your quarters, painting the room in a rainbow of colours and all of them shades of red. You lay back across the softest couch, half reading a terribly dull tome on warfare father had insisted you study. I sat on the floor, nearer the fire, immersed in a study of rune lore and half eating a golden apple from the bowl beside you. It was a good apple, crisp and sweet as honey. When I put it aside – tiring of apples half way through as I always did, no matter how delicious – you took it up and continued eating it.

"Do you mind? I was eating that!"

"No you weren't – you were done!"

"Did you ask?"

"Did I need to?"

"Yes!"

"I am very sorry Loki, were you done?"

"Yes."

"There now, that wasn't too difficult was it?"

"Besides I would hardly want it back now you've –"

"Boys, are you squabbling?"

Mother came in to say goodnight; she must have regretted it.

"He started it!" we both bellowed, almost in unison.

"He took my apple!"

Mother just looked from one to the other of us as she had done since we were small and it was expected that we behave this way; she sighed with infinite patience –

"Thor, did you?"

"Yes mother," you mumbled.

"Loki, were you done with it?"

"Yes mother," I may have mumbled.

"And you have a whole bowl of them right there. Goodnight boys."

We muttered goodnight and as soon as she was gone you threw the apple core at my head.

"You are such a moron."

"Ow!" I floated the book out of your hands in retaliation.

"Loki, do not be an ass! I'm reading that!"

"Oh, barely!"

"Brother, you are being most immature!"

"Fine."

I landed the book back in your hands –

"Study hard then, brother" I smirked.

"You're a little bilge-snipe, Loki."

"You smell like one."

"Oh, grow up."

"Set an example for me to follow brother and I will."

"Shut up Loki."

I smirked. Strange that I could take your affection when it was given in this way, almost easily. I left you alone for maybe two minutes; long enough for you to be just about concentrating on your book before I started on you again. For me my sense of concentration was gone, replaced entirely with a smirking sense of mischief.

"How's your book brother?" I timed it perfectly for maximum irritation.

"Almost as dull as you are," you snorted, still at least pretending to try and keep reading. I gave it a moment, shifting up close beside the sofa –

"Bro – ther –" I whined, gazing up at you with my biggest eyes. You closed your book with a groan I suspect you only half meant.

"Loki if you want me to pay attention to you, you should just say."

"I don't," I said, obtusely.

"What do you want then brother?"

"I want –" I grinned, sliding up onto the couch, insinuating myself between your legs and starting to slide a hand resolutely up your leg – "I want you to keep reading." I smirked, palming your cock through your trousers and into instant hardness, I swear like magic – "Damn, brother, you're so easy."

"Damn it Loki –" you groaned – "How do you expect me to –"

"Read," I insisted,

"Under such provocation –"

"Read!" I rubbed hard, the way I knew you liked it best, and I delighted to hear you whimper – "Or I'll stop –" You groaned and flailed; I took my hand away with sudden wicked quickness. You picked the book back up fast.

"Good boy –" I purred, you made a strangled sound – "You're learning." You glared at me over the book, half-heartedly, through half closed eyes as I rubbed hard and firm against your straining erection. You made a manful effort to actually look at the pages as I worked your laces with silent teasing intent. You sounded like you might cry when I took your cock out, pulling it lovingly into my hands.

"Loki – please – can I –" you whimpered.

"No –" I snarled, still smirking at your desperation.

At that moment we heard the door, and father walked in to find –

\- You; with a book rested on your lap and a little black cat asleep on your knees. Father looked at us quizzically and then, surely much to your relief, asked if you had seen mother. You successfully got out that she had just come in here to say goodnight and he frowned again –

"And where is your brother? I thought him to be with you."

I could not help myself, I kneaded your knees and started to purr –

"Er – no –" you were so slow, and so terrible a liar – "No – I have not seen him – he must have – gone to bed."

Father looked surprised, but he said goodnight and left.

"Loki – you little –" you began, glaring at me and fastening your attire. You could not continue your planned tirade, not when I looked up at you with big green cat eyes. You sighed instead and stroked me behind the ears.

"Maow," I replied innocently, walking up your chest and pressing my head into your hand for more stroking.

"I swear – I do not know what I'm going to do with you –"

"Maow?" I suggested, rolling onto my back and offering my belly to stroke – and believe me when I say I did that for no-one else. You were just in the process – I am sorry but you were – of petting me and telling me how cute I was when mother came back in.

"Thor, your father can't find Loki, have you seen –" she broke off, looked at me sharply and sighed – "I see. I'll tell him he was in his room all the time shall I?"

"Thank you mother," you managed. I trotted across the back of the couch to let mother tickle my ears. She did, looking at me tolerantly –

"Yes very good –" she sighed – "Good cat," she handed me back to you and I purred in your hands that I only just filled.

"Goodnight again, you two," mother sighed, shaking her head as she went back out. I trotted back down your body and transformed back again while you were still stroking me.

"Loki –" you sighed, I gazed at you perfectly playfully and shrugged –

"Mee – ow?" I suggested, less convincing in this form.

"Now –" I said – "Where were we? Ah yes –" I tugged back at your laces – "Here". I teased your still rock – hard erection with my fingers, then dipped my head to it, sliding my hand up under your shirt as I licked and tormented your cock. You had never had my mouth on you before and your head rolled back, hands kneading, clenching at my shoulders as I licked so slowly up and down the length of you, tasting and delighting in you. You groaned and jerked involuntarily into my mouth as I took you in, sucking lightly at first, then stretching forward to take you deeply into my throat. Before long your fists were in my hair and your body arching back, head thrown back to all but roar in pleasure. I eked from you an incredible string of curses before you shook violently in delight. Your cock, so hot and so hard, twitched in my throat until I started to choke and then you exploded into me like fireworks as I pulled back to take your come in my mouth, swallowing it down hungrily as you spilled furiously into me.

I gasped for breath, feeling almost blessed to receive you, but you seemed like one almost dead, shaking into almost frightening stillness as I sank down onto your chest. I gave you silence enough to enjoy your minor death, reassuring myself with the sound of your hammering heartbeat close to my ear. Eventually you groaned;

"Oh dear gods!"

"Oh good, it's alive."

"Loki –" you dragged my name out, looking at me finally, eyes wide like I was some kind of miracle. "Loki – brother – never let a day go by without that happening!"

"Oh, don't tell me you never –"

"I never," you nodded, unashamed. "I didn't even – oh dear gods –"

"Oh Hel," I muttered. "There goes your last brain cell."

"Loki, I hate you."

"Really? After that?"

"Another?"

"Greedy," I sighed. "Not now, but yes."

"Why not now?"

"Well because you have acquired a certain flaccidity and an inability to string words together – and –" I added, starting to unfasten my trousers – "It's my turn. Now get on your knees, brother."

_x_

I am so sorry about this, it started off all sensible and stuff and then Loki just….did what he wanted. Next chapter it'll go all serious again though promise!


	4. Chapter 4

**Here be angst, and Thor's taken the narrative, folks.**

**4.**

You said that the winter trees were the twisted skeletons of summer; that they mocked you with their bareness, stealing colour from the sky. I did not understand you then, and I suspect I never truly will. All I can hope is that I understand you a little better now.

You seemed to dread that winter's coming with an even greater fervour than usual. After I had asked you why several times too many, you grudgingly explained that you had been happier this summer than you had ever been and so you wanted it to stay forever –

"This  _warmth –"_ you insisted, and you were trembling like a leaf in the wind; my fault at forcing you to speak your feelings aloud – " _Our_ warmth – it will go when the snow sets in, it will change and it will die."

"Loki – brother –" I wanted to calm you, your hands were clenched in fists, knuckles bleeding from the walls you had been punching. I was too dull, too slow to help you as I wanted to help. Seeking nothing but to soothe you I only made it worse;

"Everything changes, brother, everything goes away and –"

You exhaled a near scream at me, staring at me, all but gasping in outrage, so that even from half way across the room I could see your nostrils flare in fury.

"Damn you!" you screamed, and even I who was used to it was shaken by your rage – "You think  _that's_ what I want to hear? That you –" you stamped your foot in anger, but I knew my little brother and I could tell how close you were to tears. Still you sent shock waves of magic scattering and blasting every item in the room. You grinned at the effect – and the grin scared me cold – and so you did it again.

"Loki, stop this!" I roared above the sounds of breaking wood and glass. "Listen to me –" I was a fool, and a slow one, to still imagine that reason was ever the way to deal with you when you were like this, but I did not know what else to do.

"No!" you yelled and angry as you were I still just heard the petulant boy in you – "You can say  _nothing_ that I could wish to hear!" – but I remembered so often holding that boy until the storms in you had passed and how you would cling to me with a need you would never admit, and I took a step towards you to hold you now. It was like trying to nurture a venomous beast. I will not say I was not afraid of you like this, but it never would have stopped me.

"Get away from me!" you screamed, stepping back, lip curling. You were shaking, looking at me like you hated me, your eyes leaking at the same time – "Don't touch me!"

"Loki please! This is ridiculous –" I reached out a hand to console you but you snarled like a rabid beast and flashed angrily out of visibility.

I cursed. I yelled. I entreated you to come back. I must have called you everything I could possibly think of. I must have searched  _everywhere_ for you, taking too long in my distraction to think of the more sensible course of action. Eventually I did think of it, and I went to Heimdall.

"Heimdall –" I began.

"Distracted?" he said – "That you did not come sooner."

"Heimdall, can you tell me where –"

"He has gone to Jotunheim. He has been there these past two hours while you searched."

"Jotunheim? Damn him – why? Why did you –"

"I did not. Your brother has his own means."

"How?" This was baffling and new to me.

"Ask  _him_ when you find him."

"Heimdall, will you send me to Jotunheim?"

"I will. But I need not warn you, do I, of what your brother already knows?"

"What is that?" I was impatient.

"That no good will come from where the two of you are going."

"I don't need good," I muttered. "I need my brother." I frowned. "You will not tell the All-father?"

"It is my duty to observe, not to interfere. Your acts do not constitute treason. Not yet."

I heard the warning implied therein, but at that moment did not care. Heimdall said no more but transported me to Jotunheim. I appeared in a white snow covered plain on the outer edges of that dismal realm. There was nothing but that disconcerting white anywhere to be seen – nothing but a speck of dark green perhaps an acre away, and it was to this that I now headed.

Strange, that even here and now you were so beautiful to me. I kept my eyes on you as I fought the freezing winds, a dark emerald thing like a precious jewel in the snow. The better half of myself, I thought – _and I must have it back._ You were sat in the snow and looked up at me wearily when I finally stood above you. Streaks of silvery tears had frozen on your face.

"Don't sit down," you sighed; I was already moving to do so – "You'll get –" I was down. "Wet.". You sighed again; "You should not have bothered." You wrapped your arms around your knees. There were a dozen things at least I wanted to say to you, to finish the row you had cut off so suddenly. To make it better. Instead I asked –

"Why here?"

You peered at me, head in your arms, and frowned.

"You leave –" I explained – "In the middle of a tantrum." You made a noise of disgust – " _Yes,"_ I went on. "Brought on because you hate the coming cold, and you come all the way out here, to the coldest place in all the nine realms to sulk about it – how does that make sense?"

"You wouldn't understand," you muttered, pouting and petulant.

"Explain it to me, then."

You didn't move for a while and for that while I thought you might not reply. Eventually you looked at me, your eyes a swimming underwater green, washed clean from crying –

"I came  _here,"_ you said, " _because_ I could think of nowhere colder. I wanted to test myself; to face my  _fear –"_ you spat the word out contemptuously – "To see if the cold would kill me as I feared it would –" you started to laugh, shakily, and it was horrible to hear.

"You're an idiot," I said, roughly – "You must be  _freezing –"_

You hissed in a breath, smiling through your teeth;

" _I don't feel a thing Thor,"_ you spat – "I'm not even  _cold._ It's like I'm  _nothing._  Like I'm part of  _this_ – this snow and ice. Like it's in me. In my bones so deep I don't think I  _can_ feel –"

"But –" I did not want to argue, you just confused me into it – "How can you hate what you don't feel?"

You looked at me, ice in the depths of your eyes and not only streaking your face.

"Imbecile-" you spat – "I hated the very  _thought_ and I hate that I don't feel properly. I don't even feel warm in the sun, not really – nor cold in the snow – what kind of a thing doesn't feel Thor? What am I?"

Well there was only ever one answer for me –

"You're my brother." You dismissed this with a dash of the hand and an oath of impatience.

"Is that all you ever have for me? Are you so dense it's really that simple for you? Okay, okay then –" you took a deep breath, talking to me like I was a child – or talking to yourself perhaps – "Let's say – say I was notyour brother – would you care? What would I be then if that's all I ever am to you?"

"Loki –" I began, clasping you as always about the neck. You flinched but did not break away. "You are  _everything_ to me. Of course I would still love you if you were not my brother – that should not even –" I could not understand how you could not see. "All I need is to know you. I would love you no matter what. Whatever you were, whatever you did. If you broke everything I owned, if you hurt me and the rest of the worlds irreparably in your anger I would still love you. If you hated me, if you tried to kill me, if you went away and never came back – I would love you Loki. If you were not my brother, if you were mortal, Vanir – even Jotun – I would love you. All you need is to be you – even if you do not know who that is. I do, Loki, I swear  _I know."_

I had begun to stroke your face as I spoke, and the ice on your face was melting. You blinked hard and I would say that even the chill in your eyes thawed a little.

"I thought," you said quietly, "that ours was a stolen season soon to end – I thought –" you shook your head, dispelling the thought, I think.

"You really think so little of me?" I admit I was, selfishly, a little offended. You shook your head but did not reply. You sat in silence for a while; I could almost see a stillness settling back into you, your turmoil slipping out into the snow.

"How did you find me?" You asked eventually, listlessly.

"Heimdall –" I frowned, remembering. "Loki, he knows – about us –"

You turned to me, outstaring me into stupidity, and grinned –

"You needed him to tell you this to know it?" You shook your head and gave a huff of laughter – "I must confess I think little of you  _now."_

"Oh, shut up, Loki, I am sitting in the snow for you."

"And I thought there was nothing you would not do," you teased, standing slowly – " _for me,"_ you smirked.

"There is not –" you helped me to my feet "Come then brother, let us get you home." You acquiesced in silence and though you said you were not cold you let me wrap my cloak around you all the same.

_x_

Back in my quarters you surveyed the mess of furniture like a bonfire unlit in my room. You bit your lip, and I could see you still looked shaken and drained, almost as though you felt guilty.

"I broke –" you shook your head;

"Everything," I finished – "But Loki," I took your hand earnestly and your face to turn to mine. "There is only one thing I own that it would harm me to see broken." You smiled then, mischief creeping delightfully back into your face –

"You  _own_ me, brother?"

"I try." You smiled again, warm and enigmatic all at once, and whispered a spell that rendered our clothing dry, lighting a fire in the empty grate with a swipe of your hand that I admit impressed me.

I kept you wrapped in my cloak and you held yourself in it, dropping down by the fire and against my chest as I sat behind you to gather you in my arms, stroking yours to warm and comfort you.

"I  _feel_ warm when you make me so," you murmured. I kissed the top of your head and your hair was soft as feathers.

"Safe now? – from the cold?"

"You are  _dense_ Thor," you sighed – "It was never the cold that really scared me. It was you."

When truths came out of you they poured, in a babbling brilliant stream – "It was loving you as I cannot help. It was fearing I was not all that to you and when I thought that I would lose you – at least as we are now – I couldn't –" You choked off and went still for a moment, then I felt you sigh deeply and start again – "I thought perhaps it was for you a fleeting summer love, easily forgotten, that when gone would render me only your little brother once more and I cannot tell you how long I had wanted to be something more than that –"

"Loki –" I chided lovingly – "You really thought that you could be nought to me but a summer romance? My brother? My  _love –_ you wrong me –" I kissed you again, so precious you were to me, my heart trembling too much for a moment.

"Forgive me," you whispered, barely audible.

"Always, Loki." Your name a prayer on my lips – "Loki, I wanted it too, for too long and too badly and I love you more than I ever should. Nothing's going to change that – nothing you or I or anyone can do."

You leaned back into me, sighing so contentedly I did not have to look at you to wipe the tears from your cheeks.

"I love you Loki." I realised I had not said it so completely before and I felt you smile near my hand on your face.

"You said everything goes away –"

" _You_ did not let me finish that! I had been going to say everything also comes back round! It is as the seasons – the snow too will go and summer return. I will not be one to leave and never come back Loki, never, I swear."

You smiled again;

"I like the way you explain things."

I held on to you then like I would never ever let you go, you and I one shadow in the firelight. I never could let go after that, even when I later tried to. I wish I could tell you how sweet you seemed to me, so small and wrapped in red.

"Loki?" I asked you gently, randomly thinking.

"Mmmm?" you replied, your head growing heavy on my chest; you could sleep like this I realised.

"Why do you always wear green?" – it was strange to me, seeing you otherwise.

"It reminds me of summer," you said. "And warmth, and –" I felt you smirk – "It goes with my eyes."

_x_

**I is proud of this chapter. I was listening to a lot of "Radical Face" and the soundtrack to "Frozen" when I wrote it though and that may have crept in a bit! :-)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thor again! Sorry this has taken so long – I had to break to write my Christmas special! But I'm back on this again now! :-)**

**5.**

If there is a moment when a person realises that they love another, completely and utterly, that moment never could come for me. Not when I have loved you since you were born. Instead there were the series of moments in which I fell in love with you on top of all that was already there. I never knew how much of it I could tell you – how much you would hear, you alternately shied away from sentiment and then awkwardly craved it. When I did tell you of my love you responded with indifference, apprehension, disdain – when I did not you sought to tease it from me.

It was alternately the most difficult and the easiest thing in the world.

I told you I loved you. I never told you how obsessed I was. That I could not look at you but want to touch you; that the more I took the more I wanted you. When I looked at you I would feel my face grow warm, my hands so often start to shake. The only thing that would steady me then was to touch you and I would, whenever I had the chance and everywhere if you would let me; claiming you, tasting you, inhaling you until reaching a state of perfection in your closeness that nothing else could rival. You mesmerised and intrigued me so much more than simply physically and I could crush you to me with all that I was and still never come close to understanding you. You were like nothing else I knew or could imagine and I could feel feverish from thinking of you too much. You think this fixation lessened with time; believe me brother, it never did.

It had always felt strange and wrong to be apart from you for long. Now, needing you unreservedly, lusting after you as I now allowed myself to do – it was barely endurable. Still there were days when it was unavoidable; days when I was drawn into long sessions of heavy weapons training with father whilst you were with mother honing far more subtle arts. I was not jealous, but that is far from saying that I was not intrigued. Much as to your face I only ever mocked your talents, next to you I more often felt like the unwieldy oaf you always said I was.

On the day in question I could not, for the life of me, keep my mind upon battle tactics. As I rested against the wall my eyes were on father as he demonstrated manoeuvres but my mind was on you as you twisted and writhed in my arms the night before in a skirmish the likes of which he would never have understood. My hands trembled on the battle axe, remembering how my cock was hard as that steel, rubbing so deliciously against your skin, remembering how hard you were against me in return. My hands twisted in your hair, never able to kiss you deeply enough no matter how hard back I pulled your head.

"Thor! It's your turn!"

-  _your fingers running up my spine, your nails gently scraping across my shoulders, your teeth bared in a grin as I hissed in exquisite pain_ –

"This is no place for your daydreaming boy! Try that on the battlefield and you're dead!"

I moved out onto the courtyard, desperately trying to remember what I had just been pretending to watch. The sun was warm on my face and the scent of frost on the air was the scent of your skin –

-  _my face in your neck, breathing you in, more and more becoming so desperate for you, wanting to consume you like a meal I could never stop feasting upon. Positively_ grateful  _that you had come to my bed before I could suffer too badly to cope, before breaking and coming to you –_

I wondered if this was madness, this fire that did not burn out but only burned higher every time we touched, finding myself wanting more and more to go further, to do everything in the world with you, to leave the marks of my lust on your skin, yes, to hurt you too –

"By all the gods!" father shouted – "Where  _are_ you today? Are you even with us?"

I could barely say. I shook my head to clear it but you were a cloud I could not dispel, like a leech in the brain, a virulent clinging enchantment….it made me wonder exactly what sort of magic you were working on at this time.

I mumbled something to father and attempted to continue, but there you were, even stronger than before, nestled in my arms now as I watched you sleep, torn around a messy web of feelings that all led to loving you too much and kissing you while you slept.  _My little brother,_ I thought, for you seemed then so small, almost fragile, in my arms. I remembered, my whole life, always wanting to protect you, both in combat and from the snide remarks of those who thought – I knew not how – to compare you unfavourably to me in my hearing. I never could understand how they even thought it possible, let alone dared. However quickly I learned that you did not need protecting, it did not stop the instinct being the strongest I had ever felt, extending to the need to shield you from the far deadlier of enemies; yourself. However harsh others could be, you would always hurt yourself more than they ever could, and though it was a tougher fight to protect you from your own anger and the savage judgement you heaped on both yourself and others – it was a fight I never gave up.

I remembered a hundred thousand nights spent watching over you like this, more gentle to you in your sleep than you would ever let me be when you were awake. My hands roaming you like whispers on the skin, leading to thoughts less brotherly. You felt like warm, soft snow to touch, but after all so strong and firm beneath my hands, a reminder of the violence of your knotted, impossible to untangle feelings. I could all but feel you against me now, when you were not here and – just as father glared at me again – I heard your voice, taunting in my ear, as though you were right behind me –

"Whatever would he say if he knew?"

I could not stop myself – I whipped around, expecting to see you standing there and, cursing out loud, had to bite back hard from adding your name to the end of it. As it was father had reached the end of his patience, exploding at me all but incoherently at first and finishing off with –

"Just go! Find her, bed her and don't come back until you've got it out of your system!"

I must have mumbled shame-facedly, hideously embarrassed by both the accuracy and the inaccuracy of his assumptions.

A part of me though was just relieved that I  _could_ now come and find you; another part dismayed in the knowledge that I would  _never_ get you out of my system.

_x_

**I'm sorry this bit is kinda filler – but this chapter has turned so much longer than I thought it would be so I've split it into two, to get all of Thor's feels out before the fun starts up again! Next part up soon!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Starts off Thor, turns into Loki in italics.**

**6.**

Finding you proved to be a great deal easier than I had imagined. I went to my room to change out of my armour, and there you were.

There you were. Naked on my bed, sprawled face down into my bed sheets, furiously rutting into them, one hand beneath you, the other twisted round your back, fingers disappearing apparently inside of you. I was rendered speechless, partly by what you were doing but mostly by the incredible and unexpected sight of you. You cannot possibly know how gorgeous you were, pale and perfect against the dark sheets; your face flushed, every muscle in your body tensed to exquisite tightness. My knees almost gave way, you were so simply glorious to my eyes.

You looked up at me standing in the doorway – I swear I have never closed a door quicker in my life and flashed me a sparkling friendly grin, totally at odds with your posture.

"Oh," you said blandly, as though I had merely walked in on you reading in my bed. "You finished early, I see."

I opened and closed my mouth, doubtless like a fish, for a while –

"Loki!" I spluttered. "What in the realms are you doing?!" You frowned as though this was the stupidest thing you had ever heard.

"Well, I'm masturbating furiously into your bed sheets, brother," you said, as though this were an acceptable everyday occurrence – "Why? What does it look like?"

I swallowed hard; indeed, that was what it looked like.

In the absence of knowing the right thing to say, I always was one to rely on action rather than words. I forgot all about removing my armour and all but pounced, grappling and twisting you onto your back and pinning you down by the wrists. You were a difficult thing to pin, wriggly as an insect, but therein I confess lay much of the enjoyment in conquering you.

And even though you struggled – I suspect more for my benefit than anything else – you could not hold back a hiss of delirious breath nor stop your eyes from darkening. You smiled in a way that told me I had played right into your hands again, that while I thought I was getting you entirely as and where I wanted you in truth it was completely the other way round. I could not work out if I was more aroused or angered by this, and so my words when they came out were filled with a mixture of both –

"It  _looks_ like my little brother has been misbehaving again" I growled – "Do you not know by now that it is  _my_ job to give you pleasure and no-one elses?"

You looked around, obnoxiously comically –

"Well- I don't see anyone else here, do you?"

I felt the sudden surging need to own you in a tidal wave of possessive lust that had never crashed upon me quite so strongly before –

"You are  _mine,"_ I snarled – " _Mine._ And I would hurt beyond reason anyone who  _dared_ to touch you, brother –"

"Hurt my hands then –" you baited – "For they've been further than you ever could."

I could not control myself; I slapped you in your smug, grinning face and your sigh and smirk in response only made it plain that I had played once again to your every last whim.

"You like it, brother?" I feigned disgust. "Do not doubt but there is no limit to what I could do to you."

Your eyes sneered a challenge at me in return, and I dragged you close to kiss you violently, as much as to then throw you back down hard as anything else.

" _Brother –"_ you whined, as I tortured you with friction, rubbing against you but still doing nothing with your begging erection. You growled in frustration, baring your teeth until I ached with the desire to tame you, to make you mine in any way I could – " _Please –_ if you're not going to release me at least let me –" I growled right back as though we were in a fight and slapped you again, amused to hear you hiss more in pleasure than in pain.

"No!" I almost roared. "You will come when  _I_ let you – if I am to let you at all. You are mine, Loki,  _mine_ – and you will agree to it before I am through with you."

"Like hel I will." You hissed, defiant, through your teeth, green fire flashing in your eyes, inconsistency in your wavering voice. I simply grinned, stroking a path up your thigh to wrap my hand around your cock more gently than I imagine you knew I could. You were burning hot in my hand, hard and pulsing with urgent need and I touched you as tortuously as you had shown me to be possible on so many painful, exquisite occasions.

You should hear yourself moan brother; you would question how difficult to decipher you could then pride yourself on being. I worked your cock and with it your groans until I could hear you cresting on the edge of orgasm. You looked up at me, your eyes dark and deep, in adoring anticipation; but I had learned a trick or two from you and chose that moment to lean in, supporting your arching head in one hand and hissing low in your ear –

"Whose are you, Loki?"

I saw the lightning flash into the dark of your eyes and though you clearly knew what would come of it you spat at me –

"Damn you! Damn you, you filthy –"

I did it; I removed my hand from your cock. You screamed silently, tense as a bow with the silent cry, thrashing beneath me in frustration. I grabbed your wrists and pinned them crushingly to stop your attempts to hit and claw at me; thwarted, you snarled a torrent of abuse at me instead –

"No – damn you – hate you, you bastard,  _why?"_

_"Whose are you, brother?"_

You growled up at me fiercely, a guttural sound that turned into a babbled litany –

"No! No no no no no – go fuck yourself –" until you were sobbing from it.

"Oh Loki –" I shook my head at you mockingly – "You do like to make things harder for yourself, don't you?"

Would you ever dare to remember how gloriously  _broken_ you looked? How much I could feel you almost  _revel_ in your desperation –

" _Please –"_ you whimpered – "Please brother, please –"

"I did not ask for a  _please,"_ I taunted, mercilessly – "I asked you to whom you belong –" and on the last word I flicked my thumb gently over the swollen and sensitive head of your cock.

"Yours!" you screamed, weeping – "Damn it I'm yours – please -" Your face was silvery with tears and you offered yourself so completely, so beautifully I could only accept you whole heartedly, taking your suffering cock back into my hand –

-  _I came almost instantly on your touch, crying and screaming all at once, hating you more than I could possibly say. All day I had thought of you, all day I had wanted you and your decision to torment me coming at such a time – I truly thought I could have died from it. Your breath and your skin so hot and your armour so cold and hard against my skin, all but crushing me, my come splattered across your breastplate the last thing I saw before my eyes closed themselves and I drifted, cut loose and flying on this current of ecstatic release._

_When the tide ebbed and I came back to myself it was with a feeling of falling that almost scared me – started to scare me until I saw you looking at me with that golden safety net shining in your eyes and your arms so strong about me that I knew I could never fall beyond the point where you could catch me. You were smiling – tenderly but so damn smugly at the same time;_

_"I hate you," I said. You just grinned, so that I knew you did not believe me – nor, I suppose, did I want you to. I felt so_ small  _against you, I could not decide if I liked it or not – either way I finally got you out of your armour with a weak wave of my hand._

 _"Oh_ now,  _you do that?"_

_"Trust me, if I had wanted you naked any earlier – you would be." I raised my knee to nudge against your cock – "And I see I have not been alone in my thoughts today, brother."_

_"How would you –" you frowned at me suspiciously – "How_ would  _you know of my thoughts today,_ brother?"

_I smirked and pouted at you mockingly, inwardly rather gleeful to know that the experiment had worked._

_"Aww poor brother" I drawled – "Distracted were we? Ohhh – Is_ that  _why you're finished early? Were you that obvious? Whatever did father say?" I shivered with laughter at the scene I was imagining. You were not impressed. You pressed down hard against me, so warm after the cold metal, fingers in my wrists, cock nudging at me demandingly._

_"He said –" you growled – "I should find her and not come back until I had had her –" I hissed laughter, gently shaking my head –_

_"Oh, If he only knew." I shivered the gentle rippling thrill of illusion over myself like silk, briefly female beneath you –_

_"Better?"_

_"No" you scowled – "No, turn back, it is only you that I want – just as you are, brother."_

_Sometimes the intensity of your desire scared me; not because mine was any less, but because I could not see any cause for the strength of yours. Did you read the doubt in my eyes? Perhaps you did; for you touched my face gently as you said my name and as I turned back as though your touch were a magic that always turned me back into my real self. Well, perhaps._

_"Loki" you whispered, hot, urgent words – "I want you as I cannot say. I always have. I could not rest or work all day for thinking of you. For thinking of what we have done together and all that I wish to do to you. It takes no trick of yours to force these thoughts into my head. Though perhaps I could have functioned better without them forced so intently upon me."_

_I smirked, making you no promises that I had no intention of keeping._

_"Now-" you continued, your hands fiercely clutching at my hips and stroking a hard grasping line around my thighs until your fingers were close to the opening I had already prepared as I writhed and bucked into your sheet thinking about your cock finally inside me, wondering how to suggest this to you – "What_ were  _you doing when I came in?" The question was clearly rhetorical, though I was not about to point that out with your finger sliding inside me. I just groaned and uttered a delirious curse under my breath, my hole twitching and grinding around you as you added a second finger. It was wrong to speak at such a juncture, perhaps, though I could think of no better time to bring the subject up –_

_"You know – you don't have to just use your fingers". You looked at me hard, eyes wide, darkening, letting me know that you had had these thoughts too, perhaps struggled to express them as I had too, strange for me though that was. Your nostrils flared and you let out a shuddering breath, a soft growl starting deep in my throat that told me more – that you had wanted it terribly, waited for this, and yet, your forehead knitted –_

_"You are sure?"_

_I rolled my eyes, not really wanting to tell you how stupid you were at this time –_

_"For gods sake –" I began, but you got the point and took your fingers out, leaving me temporarily bereft as you nudged against me with that rock hard cock, kissing me intently, tension in every inch of that muscled flesh so tight against me, murmuring my name over and over into my ear –_

_"My beautiful Loki –" you whispered, and I moaned silently through my skin, feeling it as you said I was, feeling your love and unafraid, feeling your lust and as desperate to receive as you were to give. I was hard again already and I offered myself to you as completely as I could without having to tell you so-_

_\- at that moment a dreadful booming sound reverberated through the walls and ringing through every hall for about a mile around. A great horn sounding in the darkening night; the herald of war, the unmistakable call to arms. It stopped you as nothing else could have at that moment, it stopped me. It was a summons that could never be disobeyed, especially for us. I felt your hands tense on my shoulders in the few seconds you actually considered ignoring it and though it was the last thing in the nine worlds I wanted to do I sat up, pushing you away. You closed your eyes in a pain I felt well enough, but you nodded –_

_"Damn," you uttered at the same time._

_"Indeed"._

_"Loki –"_

_"No –" I groaned, getting you unforgivingly back into the armour I has all too recently removed from you and magically dressing myself at the same time. You groaned, your hand on the back of my neck, lust still blazing in your eyes –_

_"I do not want –"_

_"Thor, don't be ridiculous." I sighed deeply, not wanting to be the one to keep it together when I was no more in control than you were – "Come on."_

_"Later?" your gaze, and the hope therein so desperate. I nodded a promise that seemed to reassure you and you kissed me brutally and quickly, letting go with a sigh and getting to your feet._

_"We should report to father," I said flatly, slipping twin daggers into my belt._

_"Do you think he'll forgive me for coming back without getting over it as he told me to?"_

_I groaned;_

_"Shut up, Thor."_

__x__

**TBC! ….I'm deeply sorry; it's a lesson in ….delayed gratification (thank you Hiddles!)**

**But I promise promise promise they will get there in the next chapter, which will also be the last in this section! Thank you for your patience!**

**Actually, I lied. I'm not sorry. :-)**


	7. Chapter 7

**7.**

**Loki**

Colour the world in red and set it in the outskirts of Asgard with the smoke and the flames licking up around us in swirling tongues. The clash and the clatter or metal; the cries of the berserkers and the dying; yes here in the field of death we learnt to honour life as our studies could never have taught us. We were taught to always be ready for battle but never to court it – but the line was a hard one not to cross, for any of us.

The rush and the roar of blood was everywhere, in the veins and flowing from the fallen and we all swore it would stay for us the former, whilst never fearing a warrior's death.

Perhaps – as usual – I was strange and out of place for harbouring some chill of fear, suspecting as I did that Valhalla would not welcome me for the golden fanfares it reserved for the rest of you, fearing for myself only the cold halls of Hel and the knife of famine therein.

But the cold of death was far from the mind when cast into the thick of it on the battlefield. My way was to trick the enemy and slay them in the traps I had set for them, neatly as a set of dance moves. The dwarves were slow and their quarrel petty; this was no war barely even a proper battle, but yes, I felt alive,  _aware_ of myself as an entirety in a way that felt too often so remote. Other people came and went by in flashes; Volstagg had long since charged berserk into the fray and the Lady Sif was a streak of silver over to my right, her sword carving arcs through the air and into flesh. Fandral was long since injured, maybe dead. I did not care for a one of them. They could all have gone to Hel and I would not have blinked. I would say I am sorry for that, for they were your friends – but I am not. Father had not even come, preferring to watch this one via Heimdall . Clearly a battle such as this was worth sounding the alarm for but not for the direct participation of the All-father.

Suddenly my field of vision was filled with a vivid swirl of brighter red than blood. Many fell back at your splendid and impressive swathe through the enemy. Many; not me. I was battling a stubbornly still alive dwarf with a pesky insistence upon not dying and drastic personal hygiene problems. Some enchantment against magic was rendering him impervious to the strongest of destruction spells, forcing me into an up close and overly personal – not to add pungent – double dagger attack. In short I did not need your over glorious brightness distracting me at this time.

"Get out of my way you oaf!" I growled, dodging a blow from a rusty mace.

"If anyone's in the way it's you!" You yelled back,  _not_ helping, instead taking advantage of an opportunity to take out two dwarves in one blow who were making towards the Lady Sif.

"Pardon my attempt to not get killed!" I threw a knife into the dwarf's eye and slit his throat while I pulled it out. You half turned, still swinging your axe into a dwarf, all but shrugging, certainly grinning;

"See? You're fine! You don't need me!"

" _That's_ for damn – Thor! Look out!"

As usual in your arrogance you thought yourself invincible and your opponent had taken advantage of the momentary lapse in concentration, his axe barely inches away from your head. I was always quick, but never quite so much as then; I hurled a dagger and a blast of frost, knowing at least one would get him. As it was they both did, and out vicinity cleared I grinned at you –

"Evidently you still need me though"

"Loki –" you sounded ready to start berating me but I caught your eye then and saw a burning there to put the fires of battle to shame. I saw you; silver and gold and stained with the blood of your recent dead, all of that strength and frenzy looking  _to me_ in heated gratitude and desire. I saw you and wondered what you saw.

"Always" you said. I shivered, I fear, like some maiden for wanting and when you grabbed my arm to pull me violently towards you it was lightening into the skin, shuddering through and through me. I set up blasts of smoke all round, obscuring us before I grasped at you back and your lips fell on mine as you fell upon your enemies, your hands pulling into my hair and your heart hammering to drown out the fury beyond.  _This_ was all I wanted in all the worlds and if I could have frozen one second of my life to live in forever it might well have been then. If you had chosen to fuck me there and then on the battlefield I would not have objected for a second, whatever ,might have come of it.

But cheers were starting to go up, the hearty, predictable cries of Asgardian victory, and we knew it would not be long before we were missed. We broke apart, heavy in the midst of celebration and you squeezed my hand hard before letting go to step forward from the smoke. We were both shielding our eyes from the glare of triumph and you feigned enthusiasm with greater falsity than I could have managed. But then you needed to, for that was you. I was as I was and sometimes it was almost a relief that others did not have the expectations of me that they had of you.

Nevertheless my heart sank further than yours possibly could have at the prospect of celebratory banquet I suddenly realised we would have to endure.

**Thor**

You thought you were more dismayed than I could have been. Not for the first time, you were wrong. I had never been less excited at the idea of a feast.

_You._ You twisted my mind into a tangle of obsession. You asked what I saw when I saw you. I saw my own heartbeat and all that it beat for personified and made flesh. I saw you in all of your shimmering beauty, shining green upon the battle field like sunlight through leaves, an iridescent dragonfly thing I was amazed I could even grasp at let alone hold onto for long. Jealous as you were of me you could never know how I envied your skills and your beauty, so elusive and impossible to pin down. Perhaps it was a dreadful cruelty that I never did tell you – but you have enough to not forgive me for already.

I was stunned by you, enthralled, and I had battled poorly that day on account of it, and when you saved me my heart had leapt at the reminder that however much you pretended not to care this simple instinct would always betray you.

The victory celebrations were truly unendurable – and inescapable. I almost envied even your reputation then that let you get away with looking so distant and gently scornful of it all, almost angry always in a crowd situation.  _I_ was forced to be cheerful, loud even, in spite of the savage ache that only began in my cock and racked me through and through until it felt a fever burning behind the eyes. I sought you in the crowd, not hearing my own words to Hogun beside me. My eyes found you with relief. You lounged against a pillar with an insufferable air of nonchalance that I knew you did not feel – and you must have been waiting until I met your eye just to smirk and bite savagely into the pear in your hand. I watched your teeth too closely for comfort and the shine of juice on your lips. You must have read my frantic mind begging you not to – for you licked your lips with such slow wicked intent that I groaned softly, appalling aloud.

I hated you. I wanted you. I was dying inside.

It was a rough blow back to reality to feel Volstagg's hearty slap on the shoulder and hear his voice boom in my ear –

"Alright then lad, who is she?"

"What?" I am sure I whipped around too fast, too guiltily – even so quickly glancing back I saw that you had gone – but my friends it seemed had come to conclusions of their own –

"You've not been with us this half hour past man!" said Fandral, patched up and back for the feast – "We've been taking bets on who the young lady is that so steals your attention." You would be taking bets for some time. I am sure I must have coloured; suddenly far too hot I muttered some excuses and made for the western garden to cool down and escape. My ears rang with the laughter of my friends, their conclusions confirmed – if at least some merciful distance from the truth.

It was cool and quiet in the garden. Dark and comforting, the faint scent of night blooming flowers and somewhere a bird singing slightly out of key. I leant heavily on a low wall behind the roses trying to regain control, at least of my breathing if nothing else. In the quiet my raging heart beat filled my ears. I breathed in the sweet air and was just drawing myself together in a deep breath out when there came a faint brush of a hand against mine on the stone – that soft stroke like thunder rolling through the heart, singing to my blood – and the low soft voice by my ear that tore me to shreds all over again in a second –

"All a bit too much for you?" lightly teasing, fiercely poisonous, deeply beloved. I was broken by it. Ripped apart. I cursed.

"Damn you –" I began, reaching out to grab you as I would have done any day before today. But I knew that to touch you now would finish me; I would not be able to let go of you for anything and my palms stung as from nettles for not touching you. You smiled steadily, your eyes dark as the night time trees, laughing at me silently.

"You're very obvious you know" you informed me unhelpfully – "And thoughtless" you added pleasantly.

"Yes thank you Loki, that's not at all unhelpful" I growled.

"Any time" you waved it away imperiously. I had to smile.

"Seriously though –" you went on – "You should be more cautious. Even friends as thick headed as yours may begin to suspect."

"I did not come out here to find you! – and anyway you were baiting me!"

"I'm so dreadfully sorry I ate a pear at you. I truly thought you would be able to cope, how silly of me. The mighty Thor ladies and gentlemen"

You turned to lean back against the wall I was leaning into, merriment dancing in your eyes and a smile playing in the corners of your lips. I wanted to kiss them. I wanted to kiss every inch of you even as I grunted with annoyance. A sudden deep scent of the roses drifted up towards me, calming to the senses. I closed my eyes inhaling;

"I did that" you said smugly. You were terribly impressed with yourself today and so I did not express any interest I may have had in the fact of your being able to do that. I struggled to understand how your closeness could make me feel so calm and yet so churning with lust, deep and dark as the trees beyond. I tried not to look at you, your face was too compelling, serene and apparently composed with the wildfire sparking in your eyes, your hair melting into the night beyond, I wanted to run my fingers through it, I wanted to touch, take, claim and I marvelled at how I dared think I deserved you. I frowned, thinking –

"You – saved my life today" I admitted, a little grudgingly. You snorted –

" _You_ did not save  _mine."_ You countered – "In fact I should be angry at you for that shouldn't I? Suppose you had saved Sif and in doing so that dwarf had killed me? What would you have done then?"

I did not want to think about it; indeed I had been silently beating myself up for it more than I could have let on. I answered impulsively, but truly -

"I would have killed the dwarf and the Lady Sif too – and then I would have joined you – in Hel if need be –" The thought of losing you was too much – I took your face in my hand and it was soft as running the fingers through rose petals – " _Loki –"_ it came out in a sigh.

"Yes well –" you said quickly, always so awkward in the face of – I do not know if it was my feelings or your own that troubled me more - but you turned you mouth to kiss my palm in defiance of your own tongue – "As it was I had no further difficulties than getting Dwarven eyeball off of my dagger – you should –"

"Loki! I stopped your babbling – "I was being –"

"Sentimental" you interjected –

"Fine – and it was nice. Do not cloud the moment with Dwarven eyeballs!"

Your eyes met mine in a silent laugh and I was suddenly painfully physically aware of your body so close to mine –

"Nobody will care if we leave now will they?"

"Nobody would care if  _I_ had left long ago –and you've already made it painfully clear to everyone that your mind was otherwise engaged. Come on." You slid your hand into mine with deceptive casualness and taught me how to be a shadow as we slipped away through the garden.

**Loki**

We were no sooner back in your quarters when you pushed me against the door you had just closed and fell upon me like  _I_ was the victory feast. You kissed me like the fire already burning in the grate, consuming me and branding me with your caresses your touch fierce and urgent and you moaned so deeply when I clawed my hands into your hair, licking the way up your throat – so deeply I feared it would all be over far too soon.

You gathered me into your arms and I held myself there tight, wrapping my legs around you for you to carry me across the room like that and deposit me in front of the fire. Your hands scrabbled desperately at my clothes and you made a whimpering noise for assistance. But I was not going to use magic to help you now; I wanted you frenzied scrambling desperation. I wanted your needy, impatient fury and your need for me. Wanted it all as much as you wanted me. I had wanted it my entire life and was not going to rush this now.

I  _did_ help you with the fastenings of  _your_ clothes, unfastening everything loosely the better the then drag them off you. You growled with a surely animal need, all your control blown after so much holding in and in the end you broke through my clothing with a dagger slipped from my own belt. I could feel the sharp tip against my skin as you cut me free and I was not afraid, I knew you would never hurt me in a way I did not want. Your eyes were blown wide looking down at me and fell on me like an animal about to feed, your hands sliding up my chest, warm and slick with sweat, up my throat to hold back my head kiss and bite at my neck and shoulders. Your tongue swirled across my skin until I hissed beneath it, tingling in my skin and a ringing in my ears. The fire rushed and roared behind us, glorying in these actions. I could have slapped you when you stopped too suddenly, sitting back, breathing fast, your eyes wild with the struggle between what you wanted and a pesky unwelcome sense of morality –

"We should not –" you groaned, roughly and with no conviction.

"Oh for gods sake" I snapped, this was no conversation to be having at this state of nakedness and extreme hardness – "You had to say it didn't you? Well, go on then get it out and then for the love of the realm continue!"

"It is – wrong – you are my brother." Again. I'd heard more conviction from a salmon.

"Genius observation Thor, but irrelevant at this time don't you think?"

"I love you –" I could have screamed.

"Brilliant. I know this. Now shut up and fuck me!"

"Loki! I – I –" you struggled clearly with a moral concept that meant an awful lot more in theory than it did in practice – "I want you too much". I suspect your words were an inadequate expression of your struggle but I tried to be patient with the clear struggle I could read in your eyes –

"Brother" I said, as calmly as I could – "I have wanted you since I was able to want and if you have not felt the same then by all means tell me it truly, leave now and do not think to lay a hand on me again. But we have spent this past year doing everything other than this and if there was a line where wrong began I think we crossed it long ago. Now tell me you have any intention of walking out this room right now –"

The confusion melted clear out of your eyes and you ran a hand through my hair, pulling just a little, across my shoulder and down to my hip –

"I do not –"

"- and do not force me to tell you I love you- " I stopped with my mouth open for a moment, horrified that my treacherous tongue had done that to me. You smiled, bright as sunlight and I shivered in the fire's warmth for terror. You were kind and did not add to my horror at myself with more words but dropped to lock your lips with mine once more. Your cock pressed relentlessly into my hip and you rocked against me with an urgency you could no longer even faintly control. I rocked back to you, wracked with need from the feel of your skin against mine, your body finally, almost as close to me as I needed you to be. I pushed upwards, nudging your erection with mine and moaning a river of sighs when you took it in your hand, squeezing gently to torture and prepare. With your other hand your parted my legs, spreading me apart as far as I would go - and I fell apart willingly and with the deepest relief.

Your face buried in my neck, I twisted a hand into your hair and another to dig into your shoulder as you pushed one and then two fingers into me. I grazed your shoulder with my teeth, about to bury me screams, but you moved away with tiny jerk, pulling my head back from the top –

" _Scream"_ You ordered – and it  _was_ an order – "Let me hear you". I would not have normally obliged, I would not have been heard in so feral, so wild a state – but your command stripped me of the ability to object and I screamed brokenly at the intensity and the pain of your fingers in my body and your teeth in my neck.

You looked up, to catch my eye as you took your fingers out of me, moving your hand to take hold of the base of your cock and you whispered my name in a gentle impassioned prayer before nudging the swollen tip of that mighty organ against my sensitive opening. I was ready, yes, I had been so in many ways for years but that did not mean I did not feel like I would break as you thrust into me, too much in need to be gentle. Nothing in all the worlds would have made me tell you I had never done this before. I screamed and screamed for pain, pulling savagely at you hair and digging my nails brutally into your skin, to hurt you at least a little as much as you were hurting me. But it was sublime pain, and I rode it like a high wave as you sank into me completely, tension and ecstasy in every line of your arching body.

Your eyes were closed as you filled me with your cock and so you did not see the tears streaming down my face until you were buried in me to the hilt. You paused, mercifully, so I could accommodate you and get used to the feeling of something so large inside me and your eyes told me you were sorry for hurting me though, thankfully, you did not say it out loud. You stroked my face and took away my tears with your thumb – as though we were still children looking out for one another. I could have continued to weep at the utter adoration in your eyes and when you looked at me questioningly it was to silently ask if you could continue even though I knew you would either way. I made a tiny nod and you kissed the side of my face as you started to move inside me, thrusting gently at first – and the burning pain within me fought with intense pleasure the pleasure gradually winning over and when you heard it in my cries you let go and slammed into me savagely, trailing hot messy kisses across my face as you pounded me urgently into the floor. You growled as you rammed me and the growl reverberated across my skin, my hands slipped desperately over your back, slick as oil from sweat until I was tearing my nails into your skin for purchase. My cock throbbed, reaching towards you for contact, friction, anything – you took it in your hand and stroked and squeezed me into madness. I felt dizzy for lack of breath and so completely filled by you as to be able to lose myself exquisitely in your heat as you thrust and thrust into me without cease. I could feel myself boiling and ready to go over the edge when with a series of ever more powerful thrusts you came, roaring, spilling your hot seed into me for one white hot eternity in which I came with you, exploding from every pore as though everything good and shining inside of me was rushing out and enveloping me in ecstasy. I was flying, blasted apart, made perfect and complete – by you. It would always be you.

The world seemed blurry, when I re-opened my eyes to it and I found focus only in your hot breath against my neck. You rolled heavily over, all but crashing into the furs beside me on the floor, your arms reaching for me in a neediness I could not refuse. I rolled into your open arms and could not help but think –  _this is home. I will always come back here –_ and I lay there, returning your warm breath in my face with my own, forehead to forehead as we had lain together time out of mind.

I had curled into you and closed my eyes for the peacefulness. When I opened them again you were looking at me as though every question you could ever think to ask had been answered.

"Loki –" you murmured and I knew what you were going to say – "I love you".

What I could not have seen coming was that I was not afraid, that your words settled into my heart like falling leaves, softly and with barely a whisper against the more jagged corners of that heart. What neither of us could have seen was what I said next, before I even knew I had done it –

"I know." I paused, I should have known, but how could I – did not even feel afraid – "I love you too."

It was not the only time I ever said it, but it was one of few and you – you just held me to you with a contented squeeze like you  _knew._ Like you had known all along, though I cannot imagine how you could, and much as there would be times later – so much later - when I would seek to forget I had ever made this admission so freely you in turn would never stop seeking to remember. It would never stop being the truth and so, I would never stop telling you lies. But for that night I told you nothing that was not the truth and for that night we did not sleep, not until the warm sun glowed through the frost glazed windows.

And that winter was only the start of so many years, years in which the fires blazed in the hearth and in the heart and though we were not perfect we were as right as we could ever be. You and I were a duet that we sung for centuries and though time wrought it's cruelty and fate threw all it could at us, the tune has stayed in our heads all this time, a melody, a memory, a composition in tones of deep crimson and dazzling green.

_x_

**That's it for "Crimson and Green", thank you for bearing with us down this road of frustration to its …ahem….climax. :-P**

**Watch this space for the next "Colours of Asgard" instalment "A Study in Sapphire and Snow" coming soon!**


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